12 Reasons Why People Leave Christianity

It seems like a daily occurrence. Either a prominent voice in Christian culture, or someone we know personally, announces on social media that they no longer identify as a Christian. Hawk Nelson singer Jon Steingard recently made his announcement via Instagram, citing the reasoning behind his stepping away from the faith. For those of us who believe, this can be hard to understand. Why would someone abandon the assurance of salvation in Jesus Christ? It seems you have everything to gain in persevering to the end and eternity to lose in walking away. Yet many do, and my goal in writing this is to help believers understand why. 

Before I begin, I want to make it clear that my objective is not to determine if someone can have salvation in Christ and lose it. That is a separate issue. This is merely about why some people walk away and others don’t, and why some later return while others will not. The easy answer for many is that those who leave were never true believers, and I don’t doubt that is the case at least some of the time. However, many of them will object, and I believe it is best to take people at their word when they share their stories. The important thing is that they do not presently believe. Also, this post is not dealing with those who merely grew up in the environment of the church. There are countless young people who leave the moment they have the chance because they never were personally invested. They were merely dragged along by their parents, and faith in Christ meant nothing to them. No, this post is about those who, by their own testimony, did believe and live a Christian life. These are self-described ex-Christians. 

Having walked away from my own faith for a time, only later to reconstruct it, this subject is near to my heart. I know many others, including someone especially instrumental in my life, who left Christianity behind. Having seen it from many angles, I understand how and why it happens. 

The Post-Christian ID

With much attention on this issue, I’ve observed a number of key factors in an individual’s departure from Christianity. I would summarize these broadly within what I will call the “ID”s of the post-Christian viewpoint: Influences and Decisions. Within “Influences,” we have all the negative influences in Christian culture as well as the positive influences outside. There are also the societal influences that can be very persuasive against Christianity. “Decisions” refers to the steps taken by the choice of the individual to distance himself/herself from Christ and the Church. It takes at minimum a single decision to lead a person away from their faith, though that decision is never made apart from at least one of these influences. Together, they form a new post-Christian identity.

Influences Inside the Church

1. Bad Christians

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” This oft-repeated quote from the late evangelist Brennan Manning is technically not true, but it strikes a chord with many because those within the church often do live lives full of hypocrisy. Many have been put off by those proclaiming the name of Christ, and that personal representation can easily leave a negative association in the minds of many on the outside of the Church. It can also move the hearts of those within its walls who are hurt by those they expect to live differently. This could be as simple as someone living no different than an unbeliever in their daily life. It could also be much more personal and traumatic. Some have experienced physical or psychological abuse at the hands of someone who takes the name of “Christian.” These kinds of traumatic events can be powerfully influential against belief. 

2. Bad Teaching

What we believe as Christians is incredibly important. There are essentials of the faith that we can all agree on, but Christians diverge in numerous secondary doctrines. Depending on what church an individual finds himself in, there may be a strong emphasis on certain debated doctrines as being essential, with the questioning of such things not tolerated. This intolerance of dissent leaves the impression for many that to be a Christian is to believe a long list of things that historically have not been held by all believers. The shutting down of debate can raise considerable questions in the mind of those who have legitimate disagreements with the interpretation or application of Scripture in their church. This general approach, regardless of the issue, can give the questioner the impression they are trapped in a cult. This is especially problematic when the theology being taught paints a distorted picture of God. It is tragic when people walk away from a “Christianity” that isn’t the real thing.

3. Inauthentic Spirituality 

Related to theology is the real-life application of what we believe. One of the foundational beliefs of Christianity is that God is personal, and His presence is evident in the believer. There are various ways in which someone can not experience the reality of God in the church environment. Perhaps an individual finds herself in a legalistic church where the emphasis is on working their way to salvation. The Christian life becomes an endless chore devoid of joy. Another problem in many modern churches, especially Pentecostal denominations, is equating a genuine relationship with Christ with demonstrating the charismatic gifts of the Holy Spirit (speaking in tongues, prophecy, healings, etc.) If you don’t have such experiences, the legitimacy of your faith is questioned. As a result, many growing up in these environments feel they must “do as the Romans do” and act out such experiences to be accepted. The thought eventually crosses their minds that perhaps everyone else is “faking it” too. So it’s no surprise that later on they depart. To the other extreme, some churches demonize personal experiences, as though they are evidence of a false, damning faith. Merely believing a list of facts doesn’t equate to saving faith, and some who have had a purely doctrine-driven background in the church have also found it to be empty and lacking the power of the God they profess to believe in.

4. Discouragement of Doubts

In many churches, doubt is seen as the enemy of faith. In truth, doubt can co-exist with faith, depending on what the doubter does with it. Sadly, many ex-Christians have shared their experiences of raising questions to their pastors or youth leaders only to get told to “ignore it and just have faith.” This gives the impression that there is something being hidden from the questioner. Like in The Wizard of Oz, there is a “man behind the curtain.” If you are asking too many questions, you are getting too close to discovering the truth. Therefore you must be silenced! That may not be the intention, but it is the impression given. The truth, more often than not, is that the one silencing the questioner is simply ignorant of the answer. For them, “just believe” is sufficient. They have probably counseled many others who also found it acceptable to embrace the unknown. But for those who really are deep thinkers, or have a great desire to learn and understand what they believe, such an answer is discouraging and potentially defeating.

5. Lack of Love

As ambassadors of Christ to the world, we are to be known for our love. That love is to be demonstrated to other Christians, and then outward to the unbelieving world. As the old hymn goes, “they will know we are Christians by our love.” Unfortunately, many experience the Church as a place of judgment and condemnation, not the love we profess. This is not to say that we should not call out sin for what it is, but rather that we are failing if we are not communicating the love of Christ towards others. As a committed Christian, I am continually discouraged by the infighting among Christians on various issues. We are eager to divide, resistant to unity. Yet Christ Himself prayed that we would be One, as He and the Father are One (See John 17:20-23). This is not what the world sees, and it is not what many within the Church see. Instead they see a Church that is self-seeking, filled with those desiring their own way or the highway. This failure to reflect the self-sacrificial love of Christ should be troubling to all of us. Yet in spite of this broad generalization, many of us have experienced the selfless love of Christ through the witness of fellow believers. Seeing it walked out gives legitimacy to the words that motivate them to live it out. I have benefited greatly from such real-life examples. However, I know that many have come and gone without having encountered the love of Christ through the Church.

Influences Outside the Church

6. Positive Personal Relationships

Sometimes it’s not a matter of negative experiences within the Church that begins to turn a person’s heart away from Christ. Sometimes it is the opposite. Getting to know people outside the Church, especially in close personal relationships, can be powerfully influential in leading a person to question the exclusivity, and consequently the truthfulness, of Christianity. It could be a good friend, a co-worker, or possibly a love interest, that shatters a preconceived stereotype of what an unbeliever should be like. This is especially troubling for someone who has been raised in an overprotective environment, where they are sheltered from perspectives outside of the Christian world. Growing up in such a way can lead a young person to believe that all non-Christians just go around sinning continually, and are horribly unpleasant people. When they get out on their own and actually meet people who are pretty decent, and perhaps even more enjoyable to spend time with than the average Christian, this can be a shock to the system. If everything they have been taught about the unbeliever is a lie, it seems quite reasonable that doubts might arise about the whole framework of Christianity. 

7. Cultural Pressures

I remember when I was growing up in public schools, there was a lot of talk about the dangers of peer pressure. Kids were encouraged to resist other kids who were pushing them to smoke or do drugs, or whatever other bad behavior they might face. We were encouraged to stand up for what is right, whatever the social cost might be. What I’ve learned as I’ve grown older is that peer pressure never goes away. It just takes different forms, and the consequences of resisting can be much more significant. The cost of being a Christian (at least publicly), can be extremely high in certain environments. There are social and financial pressures to “get in line” with the sociopolitical causes of the day, and some of those are in direct contradiction to Christian values. Young people are especially vulnerable to these pressures, as our culture is growing increasingly “post-Christian.” Also factor in the influence of the rich and powerful, whether they be celebrities or media outlets, and it seems that the whole world is speaking with a unified voice against the views and beliefs of Christianity. For many, it is just too hard to resist these pressures, and as much as they may have loved life within the Church, there is a life outside of it that seems a lot less lonely.

8. Philosophical Indoctrination

Our educational systems are predominantly governed by two philosophies that directly contradict Christianity. For young Christians who are not properly prepared to counter these ideas, they can create a great deal of confusion, and potentially lead them to abandon their faith in Christ. These are the philosophies of naturalism and postmodernism (a.k.a. relativism). Contrary to popular opinion, indoctrination in these views does not begin at the university, but is present in various ways from grade school on up. Naturalism can be summed up in the idea that everything within the universe can be explained by the universe. There is nothing supernatural. All that exists is the natural world, and everything that comes into existence finds its cause in nature. As Carl Sagan famously said, “the cosmos is all there is or was or ever will be.” Assuming atheistic naturalism as the “neutral” view for public education, Darwinian evolution is given exclusive rights to be taught as the explanation of our origins, since all other views are regarded as superstitious belief systems lacking scientific proof. This ignores the fact that naturalism is itself unproven scientifically. For impressionable young minds, what is taught in schools as the real story is in direct contradiction to the biblical accounts of the origins and history of human beings. This becomes irreconcilable for those who are taught young earth creationism as an essential doctrine of Christianity. It can also be a problem for those in more liberal environments who are taught that God guides evolution. At some point they realize that Darwinism doesn’t really need God if its tenets are true. And if He isn’t needed to explain life in the universe, why bother?

Alongside naturalism is postmodernism, which teaches that truth is subjective. Each individual has their own truth, and what is true for you is not necessarily true for me. Therefore we should be accepting of beliefs different than our own, since they are equally true. What is interesting about this philosophy is how it contradicts both itself and naturalism. First, you could argue that postmodernism is true for someone else, but not for you. Second, you could argue that naturalism is true for your science teacher, but not for you. So in that sense, our schools are teaching contradictory philosophies. Where they find unity is in the area of moral relativity. Since an atheistic universe has no moral lawgiver, and therefore no binding moral laws, it follows that morality is an invention of human beings. So it is up to us to decide what is right. Thus, what is moral can either be decided by the individual or the group. In some cases society decides what is acceptable, and in others, society grants the individual the right to decide for themselves. For example, society agrees (rightly) that rape is morally unacceptable. However, all forms of consensual sexual behavior are okay, and maybe even morally good. So the attractiveness of such a worldview becomes apparent. Since I am nothing more than my body (naturalism), my body’s desires should be expressed as a way of living out “my truth” (postmodernism). A worldview that offers us the justification to live life on our terms is certainly appealing, especially in contrast to one that calls us to “take up our crosses” and die to ourselves daily. 

With all of these influences working against Christianity, it is still possible to remain in the Church. All Christians deal with a good percentage of these, yet many do not forsake their faith. What tips the scales to unbelief are the decisions an individual makes.

Decisions (The 4 “D”s of Deconversion)

9. Disconnecting from God

A few years back, a Seventh Day Adventist pastor named Ryan Bell embarked on a “year without God” as an experiment in living the life of an atheist. This involved intentionally disconnecting from all faith practices, including prayer, Bible reading, involvement in a church, and so forth. When the year was over, he had become an atheist. This shouldn’t surprise anyone. To intentionally shut God out of your life will lead you away from a relationship with Him. What often happens in deconversion stories is that the individual gradually or suddenly begins to stop doing the essential things that draw us closer in relationship to Him. When you shut out His voice, it is no wonder that He is not heard. Then it becomes easier to believe that He is not there.

10. Disobeying God

“Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; but exhort one another daily, while it is called ‘Today,’ lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.”‭‭ (Hebrews‬ ‭ 3:12-13)

From the very beginning of the Christian movement, there have been defectors. While some of the influences have changed shape over time, the practice of sin has remained a constant obstacle to perseverance in the faith. Why is this? Well, our hearts can be shaped by our minds, or our minds can be shaped by our hearts. When it comes to absolute truth and the Christian world view, we are called to conform our hearts to the truth revealed in Christ and the created world. This goes against our natural tendency, which is to conform our minds to the desires of our hearts. We seek to rationalize those things that we want to be true so we can enjoy life on our own terms. Many have chosen to follow their desires to do what is against the commandments of the God of Christianity, and in so doing, have chosen to embrace those sins instead of confessing and turning from them. All Christians have sinned, and we all face this temptation. For many who abandon Christianity, there is a choice to give up the struggle against sin, and allow it to shape their worldview. The philosophies of the world come along and provide encouragement to choose this path. 

11. Disappointment with God

In my own story, I began to distance myself from Christianity as my first marriage was ending. While I knew intellectually that being a Christian didn’t mean that I would live “happily ever after” in this life, there was a sense that all of my life up to that point had been a huge failure, and being a Christian had gotten me nowhere. For all my years of service to God, He had failed me. I’m sure I’m not the only one to have had my faith shaken by such a feeling. When the realities of life hit, and all that we had hoped for fails to meet our expectations, there is a temptation to blame God. “Why didn’t you bless me? Why didn’t this relationship work out? Why am I, after all these years, struggling to make ends meet?” For some it might also be, “Why am I still struggling with this sin?” These are the kinds of questions every Christian will ask themselves at some point. Many wrestle with these things, but lean into their faith. Others turn skeptical. When we allow our expectations to place demands upon God, we are in danger of losing faith when those demands aren’t met. It is easy then to go from being disappointed with the Christian God to simply believing that He just isn’t there. Disappointment, in this sense, is deciding that faith in God is pointless, and possibly even detrimental to living a good life.

12: Disapproval of God

Perhaps the most common of all causes of deconversion is moral disagreement with God. More than being disappointed with the Christian life, this is a personal rejection of God’s character as understood by the now-unbeliever. It is the conclusion that his or her’s own morality is superior to God’s, whether or not He exists. This can take a variety of forms. It may be that they disagree with the actions of God in the biblical narrative (particularly in judgment of idolatrous nations), or the prohibitions on extramarital sexual behaviors and homosexual acts, or the idea that the Son of God would be “unjustly punished” by the Father for the sins of the world. Certainly the doctrine of hell is a hard one that all believers struggle with. Or maybe their disapproval is connected to the particular warped theology of the denomination they grew up in, which they wrongly understand to be the true representation of Christianity. It may also be a rejection of God’s goodness based on the presence of evil and suffering in the world. 

How can a loving God allow so much suffering in His creation? What is commonly referred to as “the problem of evil,” is one of the most challenging questions posed to Christianity, and one that very few are prepared to answer. For Jon Steingard, he has cited the evils he witnessed in his time working in Uganda as a turning point in his deconversion. Often it is closer to home. Watching a friend or loved one suffer with a horrible disease or be the victim of a senseless crime can lead someone to lash out in anger at God. That anger can be a gateway to disbelief, as it is incredibly difficult to square an evil god with the loving God of Christianity. Sometimes it is their own experience with evil that justifies their rejection of God. It is said by many Christian apologists that the problem of evil is much easier to make sense of in a philosophical sense, and much harder on a felt, personal level. All our answers cannot adequately satisfy the one who is hurting. For many, that hurt turns to anger. For some, that anger turns to disbelief.

Concluding Thoughts

Every testimony of an ex-Christian is filled with some combination of these reasons. It can be hard for us who remain believers to understand, and leave us with a sense of loss, especially for loved ones. How should we counter what seems to be a growing trend in our churches? How should we respond when it our own son or daughter walks away? I hope to address these in a follow-up post in weeks to come, while sharing my own approach in teaching my kids about Christianity.

For now, I want to leave you with some encouragement. Is there hope for the one who walks away? I am convinced there is, as I am sure that our patient, gracious God is eager to receive each prodigal son and daughter in His loving arms. Time will tell who will find their way back home. What separates those who do and those who don’t is not a God who loves one and not the other, but rather, it is whether the individual is willing to seek the truth and follow Him if that is where it leads. One of my favorite Bible passages to quote is the following:

“And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.” (Acts 17:26-27)

Let me repeat that last phrase one more time: “He is not far from each one of us.” That includes the one who has walked away from Him. There is always hope because the Father is still right where He’s always been…waiting.