In my line of work, we undergo periodic training in defensive driving through the Smith Driving System. This program, which features behind-the-wheel instruction, is summarized in the “5 Keys.” I came to the realization that these same principles can be easily adapted to the training up of our children in the knowledge of the truth of Christianity. So, I thought I would share how I am applying these keys in raising my own kids, and how I believe the Church at large can likewise learn to help guide our children going forward.
Key #1: Aim High in Steering (Keep Your Eyes On Christ)
One
of the biggest mistakes drivers make is when they lock their eyes on
the car in front of them, not seeing what is going on further down the
road. As Christians, we can make a similar error by focusing on all the
superficial aspects of the day-to-day Christian life. We can be so
ingrained in the culture of the Church, that we lose sight of the One
for whom it exists. We need to help our kids understand that, while
there are many aspects of our lives that are shaped by our faith, the
object of our faith is Christ Himself. It is interesting to note in my
last post the absence of Jesus as a reason why people leave
Christianity. Nobody ever says, “I found the proof that Jesus was not
really God and didn’t rise from the dead.” No. The reasons given make it
evident that their eyes were not on Christ, but what was right in front
of them. By contrast, ex-Muslim turned Christian apologist Nabeel
Qureshi, while dying from stomach cancer at the age of 34, affirmed in
his final days that while he didn’t understand why his prayers were not
answered, or why his suffering was so great, that he could not deny the
truth that Jesus is Lord, and that He is risen from the dead. He had his
eyes aimed high, and his faith persevered in the midst of the greatest
trials.
Key #2: Get the Big Picture (Make Sense of the Christian Worldview)
I
was an AWANA kid. Growing up in the 80s, we were taught to learn our
Bible verses word-for-word, and we had all the flannel-board Bible
stories in Sunday School to go along with it. Now, there’s nothing wrong
with any of these things, but what is severely lacking in Christian
education, especially for children and teenagers, is a philosophical
grounding for our worldview. We learn “what” to think, but we don’t
learn “how” to think as Christians. How many children in our churches
can tell you about how David killed Goliath with five smooth stones and a
slingshot, yet they cannot tell you what it means to be made “in the
image of God?” Do our high schoolers understand why God as our Creator
makes all the difference in how we ought to live our lives? Do they know
what a soul is, and how its existence points us to God? These are
challenging subjects, but they are far more important than the number of
animals of each kind that entered the ark, or what kind of wood Noah
used to build it. I’m not arguing that we should neglect the details. On
the contrary, understanding the purpose of Christianity motivates
further study into the details of Scripture. When we place our focus on
the details, we can miss the big picture. At some point, we all must
ask, “WHY should I be a Christian?” That is a reasonable question, and
we should have an answer grounded in truth. Just as adjusting your
mirrors in your car can give you the big picture of everything around
you, having a wide-angle view of Christianity can give us clarity as we
go out into the world.
Key #3: Keep Your Eyes Moving (Prepare for Potential Threats to Faith)
While
it is helpful to have the big picture of the world around us, we are
still in danger if we aren’t continually checking each mirror and
preparing for potential hazards. Having our Christian worldview in
place, we also need to be aware of challenges to it, because they can
come from any angle. Many Christians take the approach that we should do
everything we can to protect our kids from exposure to people and ideas
that run counter to our beliefs. It is sad to see how many of those who
share their “ex-Christian testimonies” are ones who grew up in such an
environment. A better approach is to help our kids understand what other
worldviews are out there, and to show them how they fail to make sense
of things. If we are the first to introduce them to postmodernism, and
we have shown them how self-refuting it is, they will be prepared to
dismiss it when they encounter it. If we teach them to spot naturalism,
they will recognize it in their science textbooks. Likewise, we can
introduce them to other religions, showing them how they fail as
satisfying explanations of the world, and pointing out how they
contradict Christianity. Now an important disclaimer: when presenting
other views, it is absolutely essential that you do so accurately. Is
your description something someone who holds that view would sign on to?
It is no good, and even detrimental to your purpose, to present a straw
man of other worldviews. Doing so can destroy your credibility, and can
be a cause for doubts to arise in your children when they encounter the
actual beliefs of others. So this will require some work to properly
understand other views. I suspect that many Christians avoid doing this
because they are themselves fearful that they will get sucked into them
or discover that Christianity is false. As someone who has studied
apologetics and philosophy for years now, I can assure you that exposure
to other belief systems, while balanced with a big picture
understanding of my own, has only strengthened my confidence in the
truth of Christianity. I have no doubt that others will experience the
same.
Key #4: Leave Yourself An Out (Allow Differences in Interpretation)
How
many of us have been on the freeway when suddenly a car to our side
begins moving over into our lane, and we have to swerve to avoid impact?
Such a thing happened to me a couple weeks ago, and due to my training
to avoid being boxed in, I was able to quickly move over without hitting
another car. Learning to “leave yourself an out” is a great practice
for Christian faith as well. Knowing that Christianity
essentially boils down to faith in Jesus Christ as Lord, and that He is
our risen Savior (Key #1), we do not need to box ourselves in by making
secondary issues essential to our faith. My goal with my children is to
help them to realize that there are various points of disagreement among
Christians on a number of doctrinal issues, but that can be a strength,
not a weakness. I hope to help them to understand various sides of all
these issues so they have the freedom to pursue what they believe is
right. We don’t want our children to reject Christianity for the wrong
reasons. Are the secondary issues we feel convicted about worth drawing a
line in the sand over? Should my children become convinced that I am
wrong about my views on the end times, the age of the earth, or even
(gasp) predestination, I want them to have the freedom to move into a
different lane. As long as that lane is going in the same direction,
they are progressing in their walk of faith and getting closer to their
eternal home. Their faith will actually be stronger for it, because they
have learned to make it their own. Part of this step is being willing
to present the various perspectives that are out there to our children
once they are old enough to understand. I often tell our 14-year-old
daughter, “many Christians disagree on this, but I lean towards this
interpretation.” This allows her to differentiate between primary and
secondary issues, and also lets her know that it is okay to disagree
with me and remain a faithful Christian. Her salvation isn’t dependent
on signing off on a long list of doctrinal points. It is much simpler,
and much more flexible. In that way, it is much less fragile.
Key #5: Make Sure They See You (Live Authentically)
Humans
are social creatures. We cannot function properly in isolation. When it
comes to driving safely, making eye contact or hand signals with
pedestrians or other drivers can help to communicate our intentions. As
Christian parents, it is likewise important that our children see us
living out our faith so that our words translate to our actions. When
there is a disconnect, the message is confused and they do not see the
practical value in Christianity. For my own part, I have been
intentional with our daughter to make sure that she sees me forgive and
extend grace to her and my wife when they have done something to upset
me. Likewise, I have apologized and asked for forgiveness when I have
done wrong to them. I don’t do these things perfectly, but I make sure
to do them when I know that I need to because that is how I can best
model Christ to my family. My hope is that she will remember these
moments as she grows up and that they communicate something real and
different from the secular world. Most of all, I hope to be an example
to her and my newborn son of selfless, unconditional love. When I
drifted away from the faith in my late 20s, my parents did not treat me
as any less a part of the family. They demonstrated unconditional love
for me as their son. For those parents whose children have left the
home, and maybe even left the faith, it is not too late to begin doing
this if you aren’t already. It is not enough for Christians to be set
apart from the world by what we don’t do. We must also do what the world
won’t do. Living out the selfless, sacrificial love of Jesus is the
most impactful way of communicating the Gospel. We must begin doing this
with those in our own home.
Concluding Thoughts
I
can imagine that for many parents, some of this may seem quite
daunting. How am I supposed to teach my kids these things if I don’t
know where to begin myself? Well, I won’t lie and say it will be easy.
It takes time and a great deal of effort to learn theology, apologetics,
and philosophy. However, our children need us to step up to this
challenge. What we’ve been doing isn’t good enough in this culture,
where the threats to the faith of our kids are so pervasive. If they
don’t face them all at school, there are countless voices just a click
away on the internet who are hard at work making their beliefs seem
silly. We must do better. As it says in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child
in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from
it.” This is not an absolute guarantee, but a general principle
regarding the responsibility we have to the spiritual health of our
children. While we can’t say with certainty that even if we do
everything right, that our kids will persevere in their faith, one thing
we be sure of is that to neglect that training is to set them up for
failure. We must adapt this proverb to our increasingly hostile world by
training them to understand and defend Christianity.
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