5 Keys For Steering Our Kids To Lasting Faith

As I discussed in my previous post, there are a variety of reasons why a person might leave Christianity, and we have been seeing many depart in recent years. While this can be a source of great sadness, there are some lessons to be learned. My hope in writing this is to show how we can do our own part to reverse this trend. I don’t pretend to suggest that we can always prevent people from leaving, but I do believe that our churches, and most importantly, Christian parents, can do better to prepare our own children for the challenges to their faith that they will encounter in an increasingly secular world.

In my line of work, we undergo periodic training in defensive driving through the Smith Driving System. This program, which features behind-the-wheel instruction, is summarized in the “5 Keys.” I came to the realization that these same principles can be easily adapted to the training up of our children in the knowledge of the truth of Christianity. So, I thought I would share how I am applying these keys in raising my own kids, and how I believe the Church at large can likewise learn to help guide our children going forward. 

Key #1: Aim High in Steering (Keep Your Eyes On Christ)

One of the biggest mistakes drivers make is when they lock their eyes on the car in front of them, not seeing what is going on further down the road. As Christians, we can make a similar error by focusing on all the superficial aspects of the day-to-day Christian life. We can be so ingrained in the culture of the Church, that we lose sight of the One for whom it exists. We need to help our kids understand that, while there are many aspects of our lives that are shaped by our faith, the object of our faith is Christ Himself. It is interesting to note in my last post the absence of Jesus as a reason why people leave Christianity. Nobody ever says, “I found the proof that Jesus was not really God and didn’t rise from the dead.” No. The reasons given make it evident that their eyes were not on Christ, but what was right in front of them. By contrast, ex-Muslim turned Christian apologist Nabeel Qureshi, while dying from stomach cancer at the age of 34, affirmed in his final days that while he didn’t understand why his prayers were not answered, or why his suffering was so great, that he could not deny the truth that Jesus is Lord, and that He is risen from the dead. He had his eyes aimed high, and his faith persevered in the midst of the greatest trials. 

Key #2: Get the Big Picture (Make Sense of the Christian Worldview)

I was an AWANA kid. Growing up in the 80s, we were taught to learn our Bible verses word-for-word, and we had all the flannel-board Bible stories in Sunday School to go along with it. Now, there’s nothing wrong with any of these things, but what is severely lacking in Christian education, especially for children and teenagers, is a philosophical grounding for our worldview. We learn “what” to think, but we don’t learn “how” to think as Christians. How many children in our churches can tell you about how David killed Goliath with five smooth stones and a slingshot, yet they cannot tell you what it means to be made “in the image of God?” Do our high schoolers understand why God as our Creator makes all the difference in how we ought to live our lives? Do they know what a soul is, and how its existence points us to God? These are challenging subjects, but they are far more important than the number of animals of each kind that entered the ark, or what kind of wood Noah used to build it. I’m not arguing that we should neglect the details. On the contrary, understanding the purpose of Christianity motivates further study into the details of Scripture. When we place our focus on the details, we can miss the big picture. At some point, we all must ask, “WHY should I be a Christian?” That is a reasonable question, and we should have an answer grounded in truth. Just as adjusting your mirrors in your car can give you the big picture of everything around you, having a wide-angle view of Christianity can give us clarity as we go out into the world. 

Key #3: Keep Your Eyes Moving (Prepare for Potential Threats to Faith)

While it is helpful to have the big picture of the world around us, we are still in danger if we aren’t continually checking each mirror and preparing for potential hazards. Having our Christian worldview in place, we also need to be aware of challenges to it, because they can come from any angle. Many Christians take the approach that we should do everything we can to protect our kids from exposure to people and ideas that run counter to our beliefs. It is sad to see how many of those who share their “ex-Christian testimonies” are ones who grew up in such an environment. A better approach is to help our kids understand what other worldviews are out there, and to show them how they fail to make sense of things. If we are the first to introduce them to postmodernism, and we have shown them how self-refuting it is, they will be prepared to dismiss it when they encounter it. If we teach them to spot naturalism, they will recognize it in their science textbooks. Likewise, we can introduce them to other religions, showing them how they fail as satisfying explanations of the world, and pointing out how they contradict Christianity. Now an important disclaimer: when presenting other views, it is absolutely essential that you do so accurately. Is your description something someone who holds that view would sign on to? It is no good, and even detrimental to your purpose, to present a straw man of other worldviews. Doing so can destroy your credibility, and can be a cause for doubts to arise in your children when they encounter the actual beliefs of others. So this will require some work to properly understand other views. I suspect that many Christians avoid doing this because they are themselves fearful that they will get sucked into them or discover that Christianity is false. As someone who has studied apologetics and philosophy for years now, I can assure you that exposure to other belief systems, while balanced with a big picture understanding of my own, has only strengthened my confidence in the truth of Christianity. I have no doubt that others will experience the same. 

Key #4: Leave Yourself An Out (Allow Differences in Interpretation)

How many of us have been on the freeway when suddenly a car to our side begins moving over into our lane, and we have to swerve to avoid impact? Such a thing happened to me a couple weeks ago, and due to my training to avoid being boxed in, I was able to quickly move over without hitting another car. Learning to “leave yourself an out” is a great practice for Christian faith as well. Knowing that Christianity essentially boils down to faith in Jesus Christ as Lord, and that He is our risen Savior (Key #1), we do not need to box ourselves in by making secondary issues essential to our faith. My goal with my children is to help them to realize that there are various points of disagreement among Christians on a number of doctrinal issues, but that can be a strength, not a weakness. I hope to help them to understand various sides of all these issues so they have the freedom to pursue what they believe is right. We don’t want our children to reject Christianity for the wrong reasons. Are the secondary issues we feel convicted about worth drawing a line in the sand over? Should my children become convinced that I am wrong about my views on the end times, the age of the earth, or even (gasp) predestination, I want them to have the freedom to move into a different lane. As long as that lane is going in the same direction, they are progressing in their walk of faith and getting closer to their eternal home. Their faith will actually be stronger for it, because they have learned to make it their own. Part of this step is being willing to present the various perspectives that are out there to our children once they are old enough to understand. I often tell our 14-year-old daughter, “many Christians disagree on this, but I lean towards this interpretation.” This allows her to differentiate between primary and secondary issues, and also lets her know that it is okay to disagree with me and remain a faithful Christian. Her salvation isn’t dependent on signing off on a long list of doctrinal points. It is much simpler, and much more flexible. In that way, it is much less fragile. 

Key #5: Make Sure They See You (Live Authentically)

Humans are social creatures. We cannot function properly in isolation. When it comes to driving safely, making eye contact or hand signals with pedestrians or other drivers can help to communicate our intentions. As Christian parents, it is likewise important that our children see us living out our faith so that our words translate to our actions. When there is a disconnect, the message is confused and they do not see the practical value in Christianity. For my own part, I have been intentional with our daughter to make sure that she sees me forgive and extend grace to her and my wife when they have done something to upset me. Likewise, I have apologized and asked for forgiveness when I have done wrong to them. I don’t do these things perfectly, but I make sure to do them when I know that I need to because that is how I can best model Christ to my family. My hope is that she will remember these moments as she grows up and that they communicate something real and different from the secular world. Most of all, I hope to be an example to her and my newborn son of selfless, unconditional love. When I drifted away from the faith in my late 20s, my parents did not treat me as any less a part of the family. They demonstrated unconditional love for me as their son. For those parents whose children have left the home, and maybe even left the faith, it is not too late to begin doing this if you aren’t already. It is not enough for Christians to be set apart from the world by what we don’t do. We must also do what the world won’t do. Living out the selfless, sacrificial love of Jesus is the most impactful way of communicating the Gospel. We must begin doing this with those in our own home. 

Concluding Thoughts

I can imagine that for many parents, some of this may seem quite daunting. How am I supposed to teach my kids these things if I don’t know where to begin myself? Well, I won’t lie and say it will be easy. It takes time and a great deal of effort to learn theology, apologetics, and philosophy. However, our children need us to step up to this challenge. What we’ve been doing isn’t good enough in this culture, where the threats to the faith of our kids are so pervasive. If they don’t face them all at school, there are countless voices just a click away on the internet who are hard at work making their beliefs seem silly. We must do better. As it says in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” This is not an absolute guarantee, but a general principle regarding the responsibility we have to the spiritual health of our children. While we can’t say with certainty that even if we do everything right, that our kids will persevere in their faith, one thing we be sure of is that to neglect that training is to set them up for failure. We must adapt this proverb to our increasingly hostile world by training them to understand and defend Christianity. 

So where do we start? Well, I’d like to help with that in my next post, as I will be sharing my top 10 extra-biblical resources for building and defending the Christian worldview. These will help primarily with keys 2-4. In the meantime, the most important things to remember are to always direct their eyes to Christ as the center of our faith, and to model His love in our homes and to others. In these ways, we can help our kids safely navigate the dangerous roads they will travel in life.

What We Endorse

Something that's been on my mind of late is how I represent Christ in the things in which I show respect, admiration, or approval. As someone who has grown up watching a lot of TV and movies and listening to a lot of secular music, I often want to share my appreciation for such things. However, sometimes those things aren't entirely endorsement-worthy in content, and could send the wrong message to my friends or other observers. I Corinthians 8:9-10 says, "But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak. For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, will not the conscience of him who is weak be emboldened to eat those things offered to idols?" In other words, as Christians we are responsible to promote the right things to encourage others to walk in righteousness, whether they are fellow believers or not. Likewise, we should stand in opposition to sin, and be careful not to be perceived as endorsing sin. But where do we draw the line in a secular world?

One of the best summaries of the fallen world we live in is found in Romans 1:18-32. The Apostle Paul describes a world where the truth of God is rejected, and men and women are given over to the whole range of evil pursuits. As a believer, the final verse can be quite convicting. Verse 32 reads, "who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them." I have to ask myself, am I lending my approval to sin? The truth is, if we live in this fallen world, it is practically impossible to not contribute in some way to the work of evil. I'll admit, I like to get myself a frappuccino at Starbucks. Now it's a well-known fact that Starbucks gives money to gay-rights causes. Am I approving of their choices when I give them my money? I don't see it that way. I'm giving my approval to their product. If we were to apply that standard to boycott any business that promotes sin in some way not related to their actual product, we'd be left with Chick-fil-A and not a whole lot else. That being said, there may be extreme situations when a boycott is appropriate. If Starbucks were to announce that they will be donating $1 of each purchase to Al Qaeda, I'd guess that most of us would probably take our business elsewhere, regardless of how tasty their drinks may be. The same standard could be applied to movies. Do we avoid a movie that may be perfectly acceptable on its own merit, but one of the actors lives and promotes a sinful lifestyle? Or what if that movie has an overall positive message, but contains a few profanities sprinkled here and there? If I know this ahead of time and still see the movie, am I lending approval to sin? Some of these things are blurry, others are clear. I imagine we all have slightly differing standards. Sometimes I find myself disappointed by fellow Christians who don't have the same standards I do. But then again, others may be disappointed by me. My dad often says, "someday everyone will give an account..." That begs the question: when you stand before the Lord on the day of judgment, will you be able to defend your standards?

Sometimes we give direct approval or disapproval with our actions. As November 6 approaches, most of us are probably thinking a lot about politics. If ever there were a case of us giving a clear endorsement, how we vote is it. I would like to remind my fellow Christians of the Romans 1:32 standard. As I look back on history, I often wonder how people in certain situations of great injustice were complacent. The most obvious example is Nazi Germany. How did the people of Germany vote the Nazis into power when they clearly held such hatred for the Jews, and desired to rid them from their society? Or how did so many Americans support and even die for the cause of slavery in the Civil War days? Couldn't they clearly see how they were giving approval to evil? The truth is, it's easy to judge from a distance, but in the moment, people are easily confused. The German people were prospering under the Nazis after having gone through enormous economic hardship following the first World War. The American South was also benefiting greatly from the system of slavery that was the cultural norm at the time. Long story short, in both cases, people were taking the easy path and looking out for their own self interests at the cost of others.

Forgive me if I come across as preachy, but I feel that our culture is just as guilty today. There are many ways we have given approval to sin, but none more egregious than the legalization and acceptance of abortion. To date, the lives of over 50 million children have been taken. That's roughly five times as many lives as the Holocaust. I believe, just as in the cases above, morality has been blinded by self-interest. In his hit song, "What it's Like," the rapper/singer Everlast describes a woman facing abusive (straw man) protesters at an abortion clinic: "God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes, 'cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose." Abortion thrives on fear, and fear is an emotion that blurs clear thinking on issues of morality. I wonder how Americans at the time of slavery would view us and our cultural acceptance of abortion if they could see into the future? They, being distanced from the emotions of it, would no doubt recognize it for the evil it is, just as we easily recognize the evil of slavery. It sickens me to see opposition to abortion painted as evil by the other side, as if it is hatred of women. Statistically, at least half of the victims of abortion are female. Those women born since 1973 should consider themselves fortunate.

As Christians in a secular society, we may feel powerless to do anything about abortion. Not being personally threatened, survivors that we are, we may silently condemn it, but still become complacent about it, accepting it as a matter of fact and here to stay. But that doesn't have to be the case. We, like all other American citizens 18 years and older, have the right to vote. Every time we vote, we give approval or disapproval to someone or something, depending on the issues at stake. What standard are we using to make our decisions? Do we vote what is best for our pocketbooks, our employer, our culture, our race, our friends, or those in our immediate surroundings? As followers of Christ, we are to identify ourselves first and foremost with Him. What this means in application is that we do not look for any interest but for what is beneficial to the growth of the knowledge and acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord, which re-directs us away from the characteristics of the fallen world. We should love what He loves, and hate what He hates. We know He hates sin, and we should never give our approval of it. While there may not be any perfect candidates, we are morally responsible to vote for the ones who will do more to promote good and less to promote evil. I happen to think that one political party is routinely on the side of approving and enabling the sinful and destructive behaviors described in Romans 1. Others may disagree, and if they can stand confidently before the Lord and defend their choices in good conscience, then who am I to tell them otherwise.

(Recommended link: "180" movie)

We are representatives of Christ. The secular world will put us under the spotlight to expose any hypocrisy. While we won't always demonstrate love the way we should, and we will continue to struggle with sin, we can make choices to promote good and oppose evil. Let us not compromise, as many have. Remember Romans 1:32. My name is Steve, and I approve this message.